Liliesaremyfavorite's Xanga

I HAVE A NEW WEBSITE...

Thu, 19 Feb 2009 23:19:18 GMT

Check it out at Aspire to Grace. My new site is less about the personal day to day of my life and more about many of the business, technology, relationship and familial issues that impact us all on a daily basis. The site is new, but please stop by and say hello.

WHO KNOWS WHAT MAKES A GOOD INVESTOR?

Thu, 23 Aug 2007 20:08:15 GMT

Ok, so, for the past few years, I have dabbled in the stock market knowing very little about investing, but determined to learn and invest on my own without brokers. I have made investments with very little money, fully prepared to lose more than I gained initially while I get my bearings. My career in the stock market was borne out of the late great Internet bubble, which burst, and I was determined to pace myself as I really did not know a thing.

A couple of years later and I only feel slightly more educated and more comfortable investing than I did when I started. I go through cycles. Although I am adamant about seeing the activity in all of my accounts daily, there are times when I am reading and listening a lot to gauge what is going on in the general market and then there are times where I only track what is going on with the companies in my portfolio. Over time, I have lost a little and have gained a little – in terms of realized losses and gains. As of now, I am in the red in terms of unrealized loss and am at a point where I want to take the next step in investing. I have a one year goal that I won’t disclose here (for fear of failing miserably and having to eat my words), but it is a goal nevertheless. I realize that I need to learn and understand a lot more about the fundamentals of companies and prospective paths these companies are following.

In theory, I’d like to be a long term investor in most of the positions I hold. In reality, I am still an adrenaline seeking freak with a shaky trigger finger. But, I am honestly trying to do better by eliminating the uncertainty that causes my emotional anxieties to flare up. I want to be able to sit back and be comfortable about an investment, even through periods like this week’s credit crisis where companies were tanking prices left and right. I see this time as a good time to buy into good companies at a discount. But what might those companies be?

Over the last few years, I started with penny stocks, then moved up to small caps under $10, then to companies between $10-$20 and now I am investing in companies between $20 and $30. Not big time by any means, but big enough to be in a realm where I can pick some strong long term multi-baggers…. if I can see and understand the right information about the companies that I would like to own.

I promised myself that I would follow less hype (um, I bought a certain satellite radio provider at the height of the hype, doh) and more demonstration of how a company has grown over time. This week, I bought a certain mortgage lender based on strong financials and growth alone. I was very proud of the unemotional way that I decided to ignore the slight tugging I felt about buying a company at the very heart of an industry causing such a big bear in the market. The very next day, said company was in the headlines with rumors of bankruptcy. After swallowing REALLY hard, I asked myself, how could I be such a shitty investor?

Today, I feel much better – perhaps the situation is not as grave as I thought. That is yet to be seen. But, seriously, who knows what makes a good investor?

SOMETIMES COMPULSION IS...

Tue, 21 Aug 2007 17:29:56 GMT

...the right balance of frustration, stress, and isolation.

TRANSIENT, ROSE-COLORED DUFFLE BAGS

Tue, 03 Apr 2007 15:33:19 GMT

I’ve been thinking about carrying around baggage. Why do I spend so much time trying to mentally resolve things that have left me not feeling too right? It is because I am afraid of carrying around baggage and what that will do to my peace of mind and happiness. Unresolved issues are like duffle bags full of stuff that need to be dropped off somewhere. Until I drop it off, I must carry it around from house to house, neighborhood to neighborhood. But, once I have resolved an issue – meaning, bringing an issue to a point where I can feel ok about moving on because I have imagined a plan for later or because I have concluded that the issue is not worth a further thought and really mean it –then I can drop it off somewhere and move on without that extra weight. If I were the type to never resolve an issue, if I were to just constantly move on without a reaction, externally or internally, I’d end up moving really slowly, sluggishly, until I finally stopped because I would simply be carrying too much weight.

There must also be a balance between being liked and being respected. I’ve also been thinking about which is the most important to me. While I most desire being liked and respected, if I can’t have both, I’d rather be respected than liked. I’ve been thinking about what kind of person that makes me and whether I could respect someone that would choose respect over likeability. I certainly could. The key is how one is arriving at the respect that they crave.

I realize that I do not live in this world alone. I do care about what others think because the important question for me is how difficult is it to navigate my world? I like things to be as easy as pie. I like efficiency and maneuverability. Ultimately, I want to take the easiest path to get to where I need to be. I figure, in this world, navigating your life is going to be some work. The question is when are you putting in the work? At the beginning, or after the fact?

For example, wherever I go, whenever it is possible, I will back in to a parking space. Why? Because I figure, I can either work now, getting into the space or work later coming out. I’d rather put in the work up front and let it be all down hill from there. When I am ready to go… I just go! No work, no obstacles.

Ok, so that’s how I like to navigate in life too. I’d rather put in the work up front. So, when I am dealing with other people, I try to see their perspectives, I sympathize, I empathize and I do what I feel is the right thing as compared with how I would want this person to deal with me. Ultimately, my life is easier because of this. Once I have done the work, I can get the things I want and need because others respect and like me and have no interest in creating obstacles for me. In turn, I have little or no cognitive conflict or discontent because, for the most part, the things that I have expected to happen, happen. And when I do face conflict, I have a foundation – a firm system of values and beliefs that I can put into place to resolve the issue or decide whether or not it is even worth trying to resolve. I can figure out where to drop off my duffle bags or how long to continue to carry them to get them to the right place.

I have had people in my life tell me I overreact, worry too much, or am too concerned about the outcome of things before that outcome occurs. Maybe. But, I prefer to look at it as putting in the work up front rather than working later to clean up the outcome once it occurs or being left to deal with the backlash of my lazy and non-deliberated, self-centered and whimsical actions. Once my work is put in, up front, I am free – mentally – to move on, be satisfied with what I have done, and have peace of mind. No questions. It is why my general resolve and overall perspective are almost always rose-colored.

NOTE TO SELF...

Mon, 26 Feb 2007 13:49:32 GMT

I have just returned, about a week ago, from spending two weeks in Puerto Rico with G and his family. It was wonderful. It was like he never left. We were great, and I know that we still love each other with the same intensity as before he left - the same passion. I continue to feel assured that I have made the right decision in choosing this man.

Lately, however, I have been noticing a lot of insecurity on my part - insecurity about getting older, about my appearance, about my overall disposition. I am dissatisfied with the progress that I have been making with the wedding, and the house, and me. These are recurring issues, I know, but, they are uncomfortably persistent. I do not know how to get on course to even gradually end these insecurities. Will I have these insecurities throughout my life no matter what I do? And with age, won’t they only continue to get worse? I am feeling very vulnerable at the moment because things are so perfect – my relationship and my life. I have to remind myself that it is not the end of the world if things do not work out as I have planned them. I will find the strength to get back on course no matter what. But, I know as I get older, staying on course will be harder as my feelings of invincibility fade. Should I work on keeping that invincible feeling, or should I master staying on course while feeling tremendously vulnerable?

MANNER OF SPEAKING

Mon, 29 Jan 2007 15:00:13 GMT

I take for granted how the use of language is so fundamental in making an impression upon people in social and business interactions. My ability to speak clearly and articulately is undoubtedly a positive communicator of my disposition and has played an integral role in moving me forward in life. I realize now, that part of my self-assuredness is derived by my ability to use language technically, artistically, elementally, complexly, sarcastically, and comically when relating an idea or concept to another person. I have spent 33 years developing my vocabulary and always keep a dictionary close at hand for expansion purposes. I have a 93 year old grandmother, afterall, who still marvels me with her words and in whose footsteps I intend to follow.

And now, I must start all over again…. with Spanish. I started learning Spanish just after meeting my fiancé almost two years ago. I’d always had a goal of learning a second language, which initially was going to be French. But Spanish just made sense after meeting G.

Fast-forward to now.

Although I have been working fairly consistently for the past year and a half to learn Spanish, my knowledge is still extremely rudimentary. I am able to converse very little, and I am very aware that my Spanish is broken and, in many cases, flat out butchered.

In one week, I will be meeting my fiancé in Puerto Rico, seeing him for the first time in 9 mos. I am ecstatic. I am also petrified because I will be making my first impression on most of his family.

I’d already met G’s parents when they traveled to Washington, D.C. a little over a year ago. His family speaks little English. Now, the impression I make will be derived solely from the little bit of broken and mostly incorrect Spanish that I will be speaking. I will be utterly reliant upon all of my nonverbal actions and mannerisms to create the best impression that I can create. But, realistically, I will be like a child that can’t express herself accurately, who can’t communicate an idea very descriptively, who can’t engage another person the way I do in my native language. I will be starting all over again, from the beginning.

I know it will be fine, but as meticulous as I am with certain details of my representation, I will not be in control of what I consider to be one of the most important components of that representation, my verbal engagement.

THE BUTTERFLY EFFECT

Wed, 10 Jan 2007 21:49:24 GMT

The Butterfly Effect is the idea that a small change in an initial condition will produce a chain reaction of events therefrom. So, if I turn onto Hobard Street at precisely 3:00 pm, the blue Honda Civic behind me stops short and causes an accident. Had I not entered Hobard Street precisely at that time, the blue Honda Civic would not have had to stop short and no accident would have occurred. That’s the Butterfly Effect, a particular occurrence or non-occurrence in the initial condition of the state of Hobard Street at 3:00 pm meant the difference between an accident or no accident.

For the most part, I try to recognize these types of effects in my life. This usually takes the edge off of a bad experience and turns it into a learning experience and an opportunity for growth.

Last year, I officially declared the loss of three good friends. Three separate friends, from three different areas of my life. And they all ended in the same way – a cessation of communication, despite my attempts on some level to maintain a connection. While I have been deeply saddened by the loss of these friendships, I also understand that sometimes, some people are in your life for a very specific reason and sometimes the friendship doesn’t survive our changing conditions.

I am not bitter, just sad.

Now, this has caused me to take a look at myself and my role in my friendships. I have a few very strong friendships for which I am thankful. Friends that have been there throughout my selfish times, my self-involved times, my distant times and my life-changing times. We all have these times. And I have endured these times for them. These times are most certainly some of the most defining moments in a friendship.

Over the past several years, since finishing law school, I have aimed to be a very social person. I have had the pleasure of meeting many different people and different types of people. Through these years I have broadened my own horizons and have formed many acquaintance relationships. Some will continue to bud into full blown friendships, and some will fizzle and burn. And its all good, because I am a better person for all of my relationships, significant and insignificant.

But this past year, I have also been reminded that I have a long way to go in managing friendships for the long-term. In my twenties, acquaintances were easy to come by because everyone was engaged for many of the same reasons: to meet other people, to date, to experience, to learn. Now, in my thirties, half of the people I come into contact with already have their own agendas, their own paths to follow: careers, significant others, and kids. So, many social connections are oftentimes purely incidental. We exchange numbers and plan outings, but at the end of the day, we each already have a core family and friendship network and it is easier for us to abandon budding relationships that aren’t always a convenience.

This year, I want to change my participation in the friendships that I have from strictly an activities-oriented connection to a more personal and concerned connection. Specifically, I want to be better at communication and correspondence.

A friend of my fiancé this past holiday sent me a very nice personal greeting in the form of a digital photo collage of her and her husband and two sons. She wrote a personal note on the back and wished me and the fiancé a happy holiday. She had just delivered her youngest son two months before and she has just transitioned into a new full-time job and into a program to obtain her Masters degree. Her husband is in law school. I have to ask myself, with all of the responsibility that she has in her life, if she can make a personal greeting card with a personal note, why can’t I, especially since it is just me, myself and I right now while the fiancé is away? My job has decent hours and I have no dependents. Laziness and disorganization in this area abound, and a renewed commitment to be more active in my friendships and personal acquaintances is the solution.

The flicker of a butterfly’s wings could change an entire atmospheric system, resulting in a tornado. Or, it could simply change my approach to friendship.

WORDS TO LIVE BY...

Tue, 12 Dec 2006 21:05:15 GMT

Small minds discuss people;

Average minds discuss events;

Great minds discuss concepts; and

Extraordinary minds bring concepts to life.

Think of how many concepts are suspended in conscious minds at this very moment. Think of how much had been lost until a particular concept was brought into tangible form.

Great concepts apparently brought to life the year I was born:

(1) Internet;

(2) Ethernet;

(3) Air Bags;

(4) A Woman’s Constitutional Right to Make a Choice Regarding Her Own Body;

(5) Then-Tallest Building in the World – The World Trade Center

I’M PINING…

Tue, 05 Dec 2006 18:46:02 GMT

…and for the time being, I have to live vicariously through my memories…. Our First Kiss.

It was our second date – well, if you could call it a date. G had invited me to breakfast. We’d already had a very nice first date and I was looking forward to seeing him again. Until then, he had always been a perfect gentleman, in person and on the phone. It was a beautiful day. We went out for breakfast and then came back to his house. We drank wine, and talked, and tossed a softball so that I could learn how to catch with a glove. I’d just joined a softball league but had never played and I was intimidated by the ball. G had played baseball all through school. He offered to let me use his glove and show me how to catch.

Anyway, I remember that we were standing in the kitchen and I was rambling on something about which I can not remember. G was standing right there and right in the middle of my sentence, he planted the gentlest kiss upon my lips.

I will always remember that day... that kiss.

TANGO OF POLAR EXTREMES…

Wed, 29 Nov 2006 04:35:05 GMT

Wedding Date: July 14, 2007

…in recent weeks:

Him: “Baby, calm down, we have plenty of time.”

Me: “Baby, OMG, we are running out of time!!”

Let me tell you about my fiancé. He is my best friend, my sounding board, my knight. I trust him completely and I take his opinions very seriously. The thing about us that clicked from the beginning is the way we would have these discussions about our plans and our future. I loved our talks, our body language always in sync. When I looked into his eyes, I already knew.

Now he’s far away for several months. Our first reunion is near, but in the meantime, we talk daily. We talk about our relationship, about our respective daily lives, and about our wedding.

From the beginning, he captured me with his attention to detail. Knowing my favorite flower, taking a special moment to ask me to be his girlfriend, and always letting me know what is in his heart.

We are so utterly compatible. So why are our wedding planning gauges so different? It is simple - he is man and I am woman.

I am cautious, because I have never planned a wedding and because I have never done anything of importance in my life without thinking about it, researching it, and asking about it first, ad nauseam. My mom teases me because I have a notebook for every project that I set out to complete. The notebook is symbolic at this point, but really it has always served the very practical purpose of collecting all of the tons of information that I tend to gather during the process of execution. It is a production. Everyone has their individual method of completing tasks. Mine is the notebook.

My fiancé, on the other hand, is a lot simpler and a lot more practical. One day when I was looking for something and going through his possessions, currently existing in boxes and suitcases and bags, I found a single leather-bound letter-sized folder. In it were his notes on projects that he’d been doing for work. Everything was so impeccably organized, simple, and brief. Yet, contained in that folder was probably everything he needed to keep track of his own progress on all of his work projects.

In a nutshell, it is a perfect description of who we are individually and how we come together - me, a notebook, a production; and he, a folder, a complex anatomy of tasks on one page.

Me, an excitable and zealous bride-to-be; he, a perfectly rational and calculating groom-in-waiting.

Mostly our polar states keep us balanced, and sometimes they make us dance.