Ok, so, for the past few years, I have dabbled in the stock market knowing very little about investing, but determined to learn and invest on my own without brokers.  I have made investments with very little money, fully prepared to lose more than I gained initially while I get my bearings.  My career in the stock market was borne out of the late great Internet bubble, which burst, and I was determined to pace myself as I really did not know a thing. 

A couple of years later and I only feel slightly more educated and more comfortable investing than I did when I started.  I go through cycles.  Although I am adamant about seeing the activity in all of my accounts daily, there are times when I am reading and listening a lot to gauge what is going on in the general market and then there are times where I only track what is going on with the companies in my portfolio.  Over time, I have lost a little and have gained a little – in terms of realized losses and gains.  As of now, I am in the red in terms of unrealized loss and am at a point where I want to take the next step in investing.  I have a one year goal that I won’t disclose here (for fear of failing miserably and having to eat my words), but it is a goal nevertheless.  I realize that I need to learn and understand a lot more about the fundamentals of companies and prospective paths these companies are following. 

In theory, I’d like to be a long term investor in most of the positions I hold.  In reality, I am still an adrenaline seeking freak with a shaky trigger finger.  But, I am honestly trying to do better by eliminating the uncertainty that causes my emotional anxieties to flare up.  I want to be able to sit back and be comfortable about an investment, even through periods like this week’s credit crisis where companies were tanking prices left and right.  I see this time as a good time to buy into good companies at a discount.  But what might those companies be?

Over the last few years, I started with penny stocks, then moved up to small caps under $10, then to companies between $10-$20 and now I am investing in companies between $20 and $30.  Not big time by any means, but big enough to be in a realm where I can pick some strong long term multi-baggers…. if I can see and understand the right information about the companies that I would like to own. 

I promised myself that I would follow less hype (um, I bought a certain satellite radio provider at the height of the hype, doh) and more demonstration of how a company has grown over time.  This week, I bought a certain mortgage lender based on strong financials and growth alone.  I was very proud of the unemotional way that I decided to ignore the slight tugging I felt about buying a company at the very heart of an industry causing such a big bear in the market.  The very next day, said company was in the headlines with rumors of bankruptcy.  After swallowing REALLY hard, I asked myself, how could I be such a shitty investor? 

I’ve been thinking about carrying around baggage.  Why do I spend so much time trying to mentally resolve things that have left me not feeling too right?  It is because I am afraid of carrying around baggage and what that will do to my peace of mind and happiness.  Unresolved issues are like duffle bags full of stuff that need to be dropped off somewhere.  Until I drop it off, I must carry it around from house to house, neighborhood to neighborhood.  But, once I have resolved an issue – meaning, bringing an issue to a point where I can feel ok about moving on because I have imagined a plan for later or because I have concluded that the issue is not worth a further thought and really mean it –then I can drop it off somewhere and move on without that extra weight.  If I were the type to never resolve an issue, if I were to just constantly move on without a reaction, externally or internally, I’d end up moving really slowly, sluggishly, until I finally stopped because I would simply be carrying too much weight. 

There must also be a balance between being liked and being respected.  I’ve also been thinking about which is the most important to me.  While I most desire being liked and respected, if I can’t have both, I’d rather be respected than liked.  I’ve been thinking about what kind of person that makes me and whether I could respect someone that would choose respect over likeability.  I certainly could.  The key is how one is arriving at the respect that they crave. 

I realize that I do not live in this world alone.  I do care about what others think because the important question for me is how difficult is it to navigate my world?  I like things to be as easy as pie.  I like efficiency and maneuverability.  Ultimately, I want to take the easiest path to get to where I need to be.  I figure, in this world, navigating your life is going to be some work.  The question is when are you putting in the work?  At the beginning, or after the fact? 

For example, wherever I go, whenever it is possible, I will back in to a parking space.  Why?  Because I figure, I can either work now, getting into the space or work later coming out.  I’d rather put in the work up front and let it be all down hill from there.  When I am ready to go… I just go!  No work, no obstacles. 

Ok, so that’s how I like to navigate in life too.  I’d rather put in the work up front.  So, when I am dealing with other people, I try to see their perspectives, I sympathize, I empathize and I do what I feel is the right thing as compared with how I would want this person to deal with me.  Ultimately, my life is easier because of this.  Once I have done the work, I can get the things I want and need because others respect and like me and have no interest in creating obstacles for me. In turn, I have little or no cognitive conflict or discontent because, for the most part, the things that I have expected to happen, happen.  And when I do face conflict, I have a foundation – a firm system of values and beliefs that I can put into place to resolve the issue or decide whether or not it is even worth trying to resolve.  I can figure out where to drop off my duffle bags or how long to continue to carry them to get them to the right place.